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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28015677">cause i can feel myself believe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/elareine/pseuds/elareine'>elareine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, Fluff, Getting Back Together, M/M, Miscommunication, Relationship Negotiation, Second Chances, Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship, Trust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:20:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,317</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28015677</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/elareine/pseuds/elareine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason and Dick—they’re a disaster. They date for all of six months before it goes up in flames, and no-one is surprised. Not even them. </p><p>So when they try again, they decide to get married instead. Cause that’ll help. Really. </p><p>(It does.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dick Grayson/Jason Todd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>289</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>cause i can feel myself believe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jason and Dick—they’re a disaster. They date for all of six months before it goes up in flames, and no-one is surprised. Not even them. </p><p>—</p><p>Jason is not the plan guy. He will admit to that. Sure, he makes them, but then Something Happens, and he has to improvise/monologue to some dogs/shoot someone/team up with his enemy to prevent the apocalypse. </p><p>(Shut up. It happens about once a week.) </p><p>He’s determined that this time will be different, though. He’ll make the best damn plan. There are options, and he considers them all. The traditional route? Flowers, sunsets, maybe a beach? Suits his own sense of drama but too cliché to feel sincere. Surrounded by friends and families? Lousy idea considering how the equation seems to be ‘Jason + family = literal explosions.’ Restaurant, chocolate dessert, and champagne? Too many paparazzi. Leaves the small, intimate, home-made candlelight dinner. </p><p>However, he’s not convinced that’ll be the smart play, either. Like, yeah, Dick is plenty romantic (lower-case r), but he’s not one for meaningless gestures. It’s the feelings, the care that matters to him, not the symbolism. So Jason compromises and kidnaps him. (Tells him to get into the car. Same thing.) </p><p>“Where are we going?” Dick asks, amusement written all over his face and voice. Fondness is too, though, so Jason thinks he’s doing alright so far.</p><p>“I got us a license.” </p><p>“For what?” The car halts. Dick takes in where they are. “The courthouse—Jason.” </p><p>“Yes?” </p><p>“A license for <em>what</em>?” </p><p>“A marriage license.” Jason knows that this is a good idea. He’s sure of it. He still can’t look Dick in the eye. </p><p>“Marriage.” Dick stares at him. </p><p>“Yeah. Well, technically a wedding, and then—” </p><p>Dick starts laughing. </p><p>Ah. That’s a bit more like what Jason expected. He chuckles and waits. </p><p>Not like it’s a hardship to watch Dick Grayson laugh. It doesn’t happen often enough anymore. Dick’s eyes crinkle—seriously, the winkles are starting, and they suit him—and his teeth gleam and it’s all a bit much, honestly. Jason has known the motherfucker since he was twelve—for <em>fifteen years</em>—and Dick still manages to take his breath away. </p><p>Oh, hey, he’s stopped laughing—time to get this show on the road. </p><p>“What about this,” Dick gestures between them, “screams good marriage material?” </p><p>Jason is determined not to let that hurt him because Dick is right. It’s a stupid idea. However: “You think this all gonna blow up in our faces, and I’m insecure af. We both agree that we broke up cause we didn’t make our relationship a priority. It’s not like the workload or the daddy issues will ever go away, so why not try this?” </p><p>He watches as Dick actually gives this some thought. Difficult to say how this’ll turn out—Dick likes to give off the impression that everything he does is spontaneous and easy. Meanwhile, he’s just about the biggest planner Jason has ever met. However, his sense of humor is clearly tickled. </p><p>(Man, is this how Dick’s brain works all the time? All this overthinking and empathy is <em>exhausting</em>.) </p><p>To tip the balance, he adds: “No one will need to know. It’s just for us.” And, as a final shot: “What’s the worst that could happen?” </p><p>Dick snorts. “Wow. So romantic. Just what I always wanted to hear when my boyfriend proposes to me.” </p><p>Jason raises an eyebrow. </p><p>Dick laughs. “Okay. Let’s go.” </p><p>“Good, ’cause our appointment is in ten minutes.” </p><p>—</p><p>“Bye, B. Take care, Robin.” </p><p>One day. One day, Bruce will slip and reply with ‘Good night, Nightwing.’ </p><p>Today, however, is not that day; all he gets is a “You, too,” and then the comm lines cut. That’s okay. Dick can be patient. </p><p>He hums to himself as he lands on his own balcony, thinking: <em>Bruce would not be so calm if he knew who’s waiting for me.</em> Jason has all but moved in with him by now, but they haven’t told anyone yet. It feels like a secret; the good kind, like knowing that someone else will get their dream gift for Christmas. </p><p>It’s also nice to see that Jason is willing to do this for him. Dick can admit that. It’s not pretty, he’s not proud of it, but… Jason has hurt him before. Both in the literal sense and the emotional one. The first is easy to forget, the second… Yeah. There’s a reason they broke up. </p><p>Not that that is all on Jason. Dick might have been angry at the way Jason refused to deal with their family, the way he got jealous, the way he seemed to resent that other things had to come first—but he lied to Jason, too. To keep him safe, maybe, but he should’ve known that Jason doesn’t want that. </p><p>Now, the only thing they lie about is their relationship status, and Dick prefers it that way. Even if it’s not always easy. </p><p>“Hi there, you’re just in time for—oh my.” Jason stops in his tracks when he sees what Dick’s wearing. </p><p>“Hey,” Dick smiles weakly, mentally preparing for another argument that’s gonna leave him exhausted. It’s not like he likes doing this kind of mission, either. Playing the honeypot leaves him feeling slightly icky, sticky with other people’s glances and the suppression of his own discomfort. </p><p>“Please tell me that worked,” Jason says, taking in the skintight leotard and knee-high boots, “’cause I really don’t wanna know what the next level of escalation would be.” </p><p>“…just a bra and a thong?” Dick jokes. “Maybe some bunny ears.” </p><p>“Hmm. I think that would actually cover more.” </p><p>“Tell me about it. I kept thinking it would rip if I so much as bend over—wait, no, wrong phrasing,” Dick adds hastily. </p><p>Jason seems genuinely relaxed, though. He draws Dick in with a gentle hand on his lower back and never once slides lower. “Don’t you wanna get out of this thing?” </p><p>“Yes, please.” Dick’s face scrunches up involuntarily, even as he gladly cuddles in. It’s not sexy in the least. Still, this is weird enough that he asks: “You don’t mind? ’Cause this definitely worked on Resoponis.” </p><p>He feels a soft touch to his hair—a kiss, maybe? </p><p>“Nah,” Jason tells him, “married me, didn’t you? I know you don’t make promises lightly.” </p><p>Oh. Dick hides his smile in Jason’s neck, pleased.  </p><p>Jason lets him for a moment; then he steps back and vanishes, returning to press a bundle of clothing into Dick’s hand. A big hand pushes him into the direction of the bedroom. “Go on, get changed. I’ll finish dinner.” </p><p>Dick’s day is brightening up considerably. “Dinner?” </p><p>“I tried out that stew we saw on Bon Appetit last week. Just need to make some toast and add the parsley, then we’re all done, baby.” </p><p>“Sounds great.” Dick violently shoves down every single housewife joke he wants to make. He likes seeing Jason’s caring side and has no intention of embarrassing him for it. “Give me five and I’ll be there.” </p><p>In the bedroom, he checks what Jason gave him. It’s an old pair of leggings, a large superman t-shirt, and a grey hoodie. Simple, soft, not the kind of thing any of his previous partners encouraged him to wear. The fabric smells like laundry detergent, and it’s still warm. </p><p>Dick smiles. With his husband, there are no illusions about who they are. Maybe that’s a good thing. </p><p>—</p><p>“Yeah, my husband had to stay behind in Philly,” Jason drawls, pretending not to notice how his conversation partner flinches at the word’ husband.’ “He’s in real estate and there’s something big happening, you know. Shouldn’t talk about it, but he’s excited.” </p><p>“Oh?” The man—fifty-four, white, undecided voter, head of organized crime in Kansas City—visibly tries to be chill with this. </p><p>“Yeah. He’s a real go-getter. No idea what he’s doing with me, to be honest.” Jason chuckles, trying to give off ‘down on my luck and willing to be roped into criminal activities’ vibes. </p><p>“That can’t be right.” </p><p>Jason shrugs. “Look, man, I don’t suffer from a lack of confidence. But my husband—he’s genuinely <em>bright</em>, you know? The smartest person I know, and the best besides. Me, I’m just a small-time dealer with nothing to offer him.”</p><p>It’s nice, talking about Dick like this. Bragging, even if he’s not telling the truth about his husband’s job or location. Too bad it’s for a mission. </p><p>(Maybe Jason just likes the way the words ‘my husband’ sound. That’s a thought for parenthesis, though.) </p><p>The ring is nothing like what he would have picked for Dick and him, either. Way too dainty. Jason isn’t speaking out of misplaced manliness or anything, it’s just that this thing looks like a good punch would break it. What use is that? </p><p>Nah. They would choose something thick. Sturdy but flexible. Flat, so it doesn’t get in the way of a punch. Not like they would leave it on during missions, but both of them have been known to get into fights in their civilian identities, too (to the extent that Jason has one of those.) </p><p>Sometimes, Jason thinks of getting a tattoo, instead. There’re these ones that record a person’s voice, so you can play it anytime on your phone. Jason likes the idea that Dick’s voice is guaranteed to be the last thing he hears before he dies, no matter what happens to their relationship. </p><p>Except that’s totally stupid cause death tends to come quickly (he’d know), and if he’s dying and still has his phone to play the recording, he might as well just call Dick and <em>ask for help</em>. So that’s a no. </p><p>These are dangerous thoughts to have on a mission. Jason turns his focus back on trapping the man in front of him, and if he enjoys mentioning ‘his husband’ more than he should, that’s between him and his consciousness. </p><p>He enjoys it right up until he has to take the ring off, shoot some people, and return home. </p><p>“Hey!” Dick grins. “Didn’t think you’d be home already.” </p><p>“Wrapped up early. Was easier than expected.” </p><p>Dick moves closer as if to hug him, but he stops just short as if remembering that he’s covered in the usual remnants of patrol in Gotham City, not to mention whatever Jason’s armor is coated in. “I missed you.” </p><p>Jason immediately feels terrible about his thoughts during the mission. What they have—it is real. Dick shows him that every day. </p><p>“Yeah,” he agrees, crowding in close and kissing Dick’ hello,’ blood and grime be damned. </p><p>“Jason!” Dick protests, laughing, but he’s also not moving away. </p><p>Jason kisses him again. Dick’s lips are chapped and warm. When he opens his mouth, Jason gladly avails himself of the invitation. His husband tastes sweet. Always has, always will. </p><p>“Welcome home,” Dick murmurs when they part. “Wanna wash this off in the shower?” </p><p>“Thought you’d never ask.” </p><p>—</p><p>Dick wakes up very slowly. </p><p>The first thing he sees is a bland white room. Oh, neat; it looks like he’s out of the ICU then. That was full of monitoring equipment, and Dick had to share the room. Also, Jason was there, and now he’s not. So that must mean Dick’s better.</p><p>“Dick!” Tim is the first one he sees, and Dick smiles at his little brother. </p><p>“Hey, Timmie.” Dick’s throat feels like he swallowed sawdust. Which… is pretty close to what happened, actually. He turns his head with some effort, and hey, more of his favorite people. “Bruce. Dames.” </p><p>“Good to see you’re alright, Dick,” Bruce says, and there’s slight stress on the ‘see.’ </p><p>“You look terrible, by the way,” Tim hastily chirps in. “Just… avoid mirrors for a while. But the doctors said you’ll make a full recovery. Including for your ‘circus activities.’” </p><p>There’s a grumble that sounds like ‘Or so he said,’ from Bruce, and now Dick’s fully awake.  </p><p>Something isn’t right. Dick’s inner alarms, finely-tuned by years of living with Bruce, are going off like crazy. “Okay, what happened? Apart from the obvious.” </p><p>Silence. Dami and Tim look awkward. Bruce’s face could just as well be carved out of stone. It’s what he does when he’s vaguely aware that he might not be in the right, but he’s angry anyway. </p><p>…oh Jesus, this has something to do with Jason, doesn’t it? </p><p>“Jason showed up,” Tim finally explained. (Bingo.) </p><p>Of course Jason did. He’s Dick’s emergency contact. That didn’t come with their marriage—though it helps—but with Dick listing him every single time he was asked. He trusts Jason to take care of him, that’s all there is to it. </p><p>Also, unlike Bruce, Jason picks up the phone.</p><p>“And?” Dick asks. Surely even Jason wouldn’t start a fight by Dick’s hospital bedside. </p><p>…right?</p><p>“And he told the hospital clerk that he’s your husband,” Bruce said. </p><p>Oh. Makes sense. Dick did put that down on his file. It just happened naturally these days. In hindsight, that’s a recipe for disaster. </p><p>Bruce continues. “He was the only one allowed into the ICU. He refused to swap places or explain himself.” </p><p>Suddenly, Dick feels very tired. Why is he keeping the peace and calming them down when he’s the one in the hospital bed, a mental voice that sounds a lot like Jason asks. “Did he keep you updated?” he asks. </p><p>Bruce shifts his jaw forward mulishly, but it’s Damian who answers. “Todd reported on your condition every hour, by phone or personally.” </p><p>It’s the first time the youngest has spoken, and Dick notes that he looks distinctly unhappy with the whole situation. Makes sense. For someone who has grown up totally out-of-touch, Damian’s people instincts (or rather, his deception instincts) are great; they almost rival Dick’s. He’s clearly smelling a rat here. </p><p>Tim nods. “It’s not like he knew we were listening, Bruce. I’m sure the receptionist was bothering him about his right to see Dick or something. You know how they get. It’s not like he could tell her their actual relation, right?” </p><p>Huh. Look at that. Either Jason has mended more bridges than they both thought or their brothers have entered the phase that Dick lovingly calls ‘fuck you, Bruce.’ </p><p>“…can I have some ice?” Dick asks before Bruce can answer. This not the moment for a correction. Anyway, he won’t do that without talking to Jason first. (Another thing he’s learned.) Even if it <em>would</em> be satisfying to see Bruce’s face. </p><p>Damian jumps up and gets the cup, Tim says the doctors are due their visit any minute now, and life goes on. </p><p>Jason slides back into the room almost as soon as the others leave. He doesn’t say much, just tells Dick not to fucking almost die on him again, and does he want some actually good food instead of the hospital crap? </p><p>Dick very much does, and the Tupperware container Jason produces is a good distraction. </p><p>Still, it makes him think, later, when he’s technically supposed to be alone but Jason’s sleeping in the chair by the corner. </p><p>Dick is the one who said, “This time, let’s take it slow. Let’s not tell anyone until we’re sure it’ll work out.” Jason is the one who proposed to him two weeks later. Both of these ideas were smart and <em>right</em> for them. They’ve always worked better without the outside world interfering, and their marriage gives them a sense of security neither of them knew they needed. </p><p>So when did Jason start making himself small for him? </p><p>—</p><p>The thing is: When Jason and Dick got back together, Jason made a vow to himself. This time, he won’t be the one to walk away. He knows what life after Dick is like, and he ain’t choosing that again. It’ll have to be Dick’s decision to end this.  </p><p>And right now, Jason is starting to think that might be what’s happening. Dick’s been acting shady. He’s hiding something, but Jason has no idea what, so… worst possible conclusion it is. </p><p>Also, Dick asked to meet him on a rooftop tonight, which they never do. They bump into each other at patrol, sure, but they live together; no need to sit on a drafty high rise, even if the night is warm and the sky clear. Dick isn’t even cleared for patrol yet. He’s taking the elevator, for fuck’s sake. </p><p>When he finally makes it up here, Dick limps over to Jason’s bench. The younger man tries to steel himself. Something’s coming. He can feel it. </p><p>“Just for the record,” Dick starts, “I think the daddy issues have significantly decreased.” </p><p>“…okay? That’s… nice?” Jason stares at him, kinda at a loss as to what exactly is happening. </p><p>(No, they haven’t. They just give less of a fuck.) </p><p>(Wait, that’s precisely what ‘issues decreasing’ means, doesn’t it?) </p><p>“You’re a lot less insecure—which, by the way, I’m really proud of, go you—” and that’s Dick babbling. Jason ignores his ears burning at the compliment and tries to figure out why Dick is saying these things. “And I don’t expect this to blow up any second anymore. Actually, I’m pretty certain we’re in this for good, now.” </p><p>Okay, that’s good. Significantly better than Jason predicted, even. Then Dick fishes a small blue box from his satchel, and <em>what is happening? </em></p><p>It probably shouldn’t be a surprise when Dick takes out a wedding band (sturdy, flat, and Jason bets that if he checks the metal later, it’ll be insanely durable) and slides it onto Jason’s ring finger. Somehow, it still is, and Jason, for once in his lives, is speechless. </p><p>“Keeping this secret was a good idea, but I’m tired of it, and I think you are, too,” Dick tells him. “So. Let’s just… not.” </p><p>“…sure.” </p><p>Okay, not one of Jason’s finer moments in terms of romantic replies, but he’s trying very hard not to cry here. Dick’s confidence seems bolstered, anyway, so Jason’s probably not doing tooooo badly. </p><p>(Jason does not want to think about what’s showing on his face. He doesn’t. His vulnerability is hard-earned, but contemplating it will send him into fight-or-flight within seconds. How do people do this?) </p><p>“I also think—” Dick’s grin is wicked and Jason <em>loves him.</em> “—that we should make an announcement in the papers. Using our real names.” </p><p>“Fuck yes.” Richard John Grayson, announcing his year-long marriage to a dead man? Jason can’t wait to see the chaos it’ll cause. </p><p>“And then go on a honeymoon. I know you want a sunset-at-the-beach kiss, Jason, and I’m out of commission anyway, so…” </p><p>Jason snorts. “So it’s a good way to get Babs off your back about taking a break <em>and</em> let the storm blow over while we’re gone?” </p><p>“Yupp.” </p><p>“Sounds great.” </p><p>“I know, right?” Dick looks very pleased with himself.</p><p>“You know you don’t have to do this, right?” Jason checks in. Just in case. This whole thing’s a little too good to be true. “Like, I’ll be perfectly fine without all… this.” </p><p>(And that’s the truth, too. Yeah, there’s a little voice that keeps crooning, ‘he’s ashamed of you.’ Jason’s used to that, though. Dick is not responsible for the shit his brain pulls. Jason will live.) </p><p>It’s Dick’s turn to snort. “I know. I want it, though. And I’m not hearing a ‘no,’ yet.”</p><p>“Oh, it’s a yes.” Jason finally, <em>finally</em> lets himself smile. He makes grabby hands for the box, and Dick indulges him; allows him to take the second ring out and slide it onto his husband’s finger, where it belongs. </p><p>And then, just because he can, Jason lifts Dick’s hands to his mouth and kisses the ring, relishing the idea that he can do this over and over and over again, no matter where, no matter when. “It’s definitely a yes.” </p><p>—</p><p>Jason and Dick—they’re still mostly a disaster. Everyone is surprised when it lasts this time—everyone except the two of them. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>(Please don’t get married to save your relationship, folks.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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